Thursday, January 19, 2012

Some Really uncomfortable Parts of Pregnancy

I think High School sex ed should really just be a class about what pregnancy is really like, cuz for reals, if I had known all this I would have be 100% abstinent back in the day!

For one, the other day, I sneezed and peed myself a little bit.  Not like wet-my-pants status, but I still went and changed my underwear.  And the worst part was, I had just gone pee.  But, the Seamonkey likes to use my bladder as a beanbag chair lately so a) I pee all the time and b) I feel like I never can fully empty my bladder.  I've actually considered investing in some Poise...
**I totally don't understand the point of that commercial, but at the same time find it thoroughly amusing...**

On the flip side of bathroom talk, I guess we should bring up bowel movements (and no, don't worry, I haven't shit my pants or anything).  Irregular just doesn't do what I'm experiencing justice.  It is either I-hafta-go-right-now or I don't go at all.  Thanks body, that's totally awesome!  And since I'm anti-medication during pregnancy, there's nothing I can take to help me!  But, it's finally gotten to the point where I have to do something or I'm gonna be totally miserable so I bought some prune juice.
Okay, so technically it's plum juice...same thing.  Plus, I had a coupon for that kind (haha, yes, I'm still couponing - go me!).  But, it tastes pretty damn good and they claim it's been clinically proven to help regulate your digestive system if you drink 8 oz a day for two week.  I'll let you know how it goes in a week and 5 days.

And that wraps up the toilet talk portion of today's blog post - now onto my back.

It hurts.  A lot.  There is a very fine line between doing too much activity (which makes it hurt more than usual) and not doing enough physical activity (which, you guessed it, also makes it hurt more).  If I sit for too long I lose feeling in my right foot.  If I move around too much it hurts so much I can barely walk anymore.  This past Saturday I was super busy and basically running around all day and when it came time to go to bed I couldn't walk up the stairs.  I had to crawl up the fucking stairs to get to bed.

So earlier this week I had my initial consultation with the Physical Therapist.  She seems cool.  She poked and prodded me a bunch.  She tried to re-align my my hips since they were all out of whack.  She reminded me the less weight I gain, the less pressure there will be on my back (I know...but I'm soooo hungry all.the.time).  And she wants me to come in at least twice a week, but up to four freaking times a week to do therapy while my belly is still manageable so I'll be able to do the most exercises.  And she submitted a prescription for me to get a prenatal cradle to give my back some extra support.  Oh, you don't know what a prenatal cradle is?  Check out this sexy piece:
Then yesterday I went in for my first actual physical therapy session.  It wasn't fun.  My body didn't enjoy working my ab muscles at all.  The Seamonkey didn't appreciate it either (he kept poking me as if to say, "stop doing that woman!").  I basically did a bazillion different variations of a pelvic tilt:
Which as much as that sucked, I had suspected (and the Mayo Clinic confirmed) it would actually be a good exercise to strengthen my body for labor so it's like a double-duty exercise.  If I have to be uncomfortable at least it's helping my back and prepping my body to push the Seamonkey out!

So, the next time someone is describing pregnancy as this beautiful  experience where everyone will dote on you and you'll have this beautiful pregnancy glow, tell them they're an effing liar.  You piss yourself when you sneeze, you get super constipated, and your back hurts to the point where you can't walk up your damn stairs to go to bed.  And, you don't glow, you get fucking acne.  And yet I already love the little guy that is causing all this bullshit even though I've never met him...who'da thunk it?

Until next time...

PS - check out my beast of a belly.  As usual, you can see the whole progression of photos here!

Personal Photo


  1. Haha all of this is so true...luckily I haven't gotten to the point where too much pressure is on my bladder yet but I have a feeling it's coming soon!

  2. No thanks. I'll pass on all this loveliness.

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