Eff This, He Can Sleep on the Floor

Subtitle: Trials and Tribulations While Sanding, Priming, Painting, and Assembling the Crib I Bought Used Off Craigslist


Good golly gosh - what a miserable experience that was!  Like seriously, I almost threw in the towel at least 10 times, but in the end, it looks freaking awesome, so I'm glad I stuck it out.

So, you may remember from way back when in week 13 I found a sweet deal on a crib and dresser/changing table combo on Craigslist for $100! Sweet, right?  Well, I thought so back then...

There wasn't anything wrong with the crib but me being me, I wanted to paint it.  I never really thought about how much work that really was, I was just thinking about a pretty yellow crib!  Plus, it was disassembled so in my head the whole project shouldn't be that bad.  Boy was I wrong.

Sanding it down was super easy, really didn't take that long.  Awesome!  The project was going smoothly just like I assumed it would.

Next up was priming it.  Shouldn't be that hard.  I set up with my primer and a mini foam roller when the Apocalypse began.  They came out of nowhere and were trying to kill me.  The flies.

I don't know how widespread the problem is, but at least here on Base there are flies everywhere.  And these suckers are aggressive.  I tried to work through the attacks but damn near had a panic attack from all the buzzing. By the time I finally gave up (and decided to find something to combat the flies before continuing the project) I looked like a psych ward escapee covered in primer...

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So I finally got some of those strips of like tape that you hang up and a spray that supposedly repels flies and I got back to the project.

In all, I did two coats of primer and two coats paint.  But, this was done over eight sittings since I could only do one side at a time.  I used regular old primer and Martha Stewart paint in the "Custard" color.

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Do you know what a pain in the ass it is to paint a flipping crib???  All the tiny little spaces that are near impossible to get to. It was, without a doubt, the most monotonous and boring project I have ever completed.  After I had completed the first coat of actual paint, I tried to convince myself it looked fine and I could stop there, haha.  Luckily the smarter half of my brain won that battle and I finished the last coat of paint. I can't even explain how excited I was when I finally was done painting and brought all the pieces up to the nursery to assemble it.

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Since I had bought it used I didn't have assembly instructions, but how hard could it be, right?  So I laid the pieces out how they would have to be put together and got ready to start assembling.

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There were two different size bolts in the baggy with the hardware that the seller had given me.

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And, funny thing about all of those bolts - none of them fit.  Yup, they had given me the wrong freaking hardware.  Are you freaking kidding me??? I should have given up back when the flies tried to kill me! I didn't want to have the day be a complete waist, so I propped up the pieces how they would eventually be assembled.

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The crib is a Simplicity brand crib.  Before I painted the whole thing I did research on the model and there were no recalls, but the company had gone under recently.  That means I can't contact them to get replacement hardware.  If I hadn't put my blood, sweat, tears, and sanity into painting the damn thing I probably would have thrown in the towel.  But, I had way too much invested in it to just give up, so I went out and got an electric drill and some wood screws for like 20 bucks.

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I didn't, however, invest in any actual drill bits.  The girl half of my brain figured I could just use the drill to put the screws straight into the crib.  The girl half of my brain was wrong!!! The first screw I tried got maybe a quarter of the way in and broke.  Instead of accepting that I needed drill bits I tried again - the second screw got about as far in and then got completely stripped.  Awesome!

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So I temporarily threw in the towel once again.  The Sailor probably has drill bits somewhere in the garage, but I don't have the patients to go digging through his tool box.  Hell, I'm not even sure I have the key to his tool box.  So, the next time I was out, I invested in some drill bits to add to my tool box.

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Let me tell you - it is way easier to put screws in a piece of wood when you've drilled a hole first!

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So, with Gabby's help (she didn't really help - I kept asking her to hand me screws and she looked at me like I'm nuts, lol) I put 3 screws in for every 1 that would have been there if I had the right hardware.

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"I is helping..."

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All that was left was the "sleigh" details on the front and back and the part that the mattress will eventually lay on.  Adding the sleigh details was easy enough; by that point I had gotten pretty good with my drill.  The mattress part is currently not actually secured (I just used some wood screws in the existing holes because I wanted to see the "complete" crib) but I have over 4 months to figure out what size bolt I need to actually attach it.

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Isn't it pretty?  The biggest pain in my ass ever - but it looks pretty damn good, doesn't it?

And, don't worry about whether or not it's safe.  That thing is fucking secure.  Nothing is going to bring it down.  Seriously.  We will probably never be able to disassemble it again!

Now, all that's left for me to do is a few touch ups (my frustrations while trying to assemble it may have lead to a few dings in my oh so lovely paint job) and I want to figure out a way to cover up the screws.  Any ideas?  And if you think my lovely crib is impressive, just wait until you see what I have planned for the dresser/changing table combo!  It is gonna be amazing (and luckily it's already completely put together so I won't have to deal with that, lol)!

Until next time...