Monday, August 22, 2011

Dear Mom,

I know my choices hurt you, and I can't apologize enough for that.

But I still exist, and I'm still your daughter!

I didn't plan to hurt you with my decisions, it didn't even cross my mind. But what you're doing right now - ignoring me completely - is an intentional jab at me.

You know I'm on the other side of the country, and yet you don't even care to hear if I'm ok or not, and it hurts me more than you have ever hurt me before.

I'm not perfect, and I've never claimed to be, but you're acting as if you don't want to move past this, and you don't want to have any sort of relationship with me. And if that's how its going to be, eventually I'll have to stop calling because that rejection is just too much to handle.

I hope you'll eventually realize that I do still need my mom in my life. I love you.

Love Always,

Yeah...that's not a real letter to my mom, I just had to get that off my chest. I told my Dad I'm pregnant this morning and he's shocked, but happy for me, and is just dying for me to make a trip back home (which I hope to start planning once we're more settled here, probably after The Sailor deploys).

Whether my mom ever comes around or not, I just have to remember that there are people out there that love me. I'm lucky to have a Father who is being supportive despite my choices, and  my pseudo-mom, Mama Simms, has offered to fly out when the baby is born. And honestly, I have never met more caring and supportive people than The Sailor's family - they're honestly the best.

I just need to continue to focus on the positive, not the negative, even though that's easier said than done. And even though I'd love to say fuck it and just stop reaching out to my mother, that will never happen. I've said it once and I'll say it again - we may not have the best relationship, but she's still my mom, and I can't just let that go.

And I just wanted to thank everyone who reads my blog and leaves me such supportive comments. You guys are seriously the best - hopefully as time goes on my blog will become less depressing!

Until next time...

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