Oh Lordy you guys. This is not how I wanted to start my week. Originally I was planning to post about my recent Craigslist hunting adventures and my plans to refinish some of my finds. But then the unthinkable happened...my Mom called.
So, this morning I called my mom with no answer - story of my last week. But, seeing as there was this little storm on the East coast this past weekend, I dunno if you heard about it or not...Hurricane Irene (lol, if you haven't heard of it you must live under a rock)...I decided to send her a text message that basically said "hope you're ok post-hurricane."
Well, about an hour after I sent my message, I was about to go through my Google Reader (Monday mornings are the best blog-wise) when my phone rang, and much to my dismay it was my Mother.
I think when I saw her little picture pop up on my cell I experienced my first heart palpatation. I might have thrown up a little in my mouth. I instantly wanted to throw my phone and go hide. But I did the adult thing, and I answered...
(For the purposes of this dialog I am A {for Amanda} and my Mom is M)
A- Hello? (Imagine a normal phone-answering intonation)
M- Amanda? It's your mother.
A- I know Mom, I still have caller ID
M- Well, I survived the storm just fine...
:: cue about 5 minutes of storm related chat ::
M- I just don't understand why you would just take off like this.
A- I don't really know how to answer that, but Mom, I really am happy.
:: cue about 5 minutes of you're-so-selfish lectures ::
M- so is he going to be deployed at all?
A- yeah, he's in school right now and he'll be flown out to the ship once he's done in the end of September
M- when will he be back?
A- the middle of February.
M- so you're gonna be by yourself for all the holidays this year?
A- well, I'll probably celebrate thanksgiving with a few of the other wives on base and I might go to North Carolina for Christmas. I dunno yet though. I am planning on coming home in October though.
M- well you know Sister K is living with me now.
A- yeah, I heard.
M- so you can't stay with me
A- I was planning on staying with Kim (best friend from high school) or Dad.
M- well, don't expect to come to my house, Sister K won't want to see you after what you did.
A- ummmm, ok...
:: cue her going off on how selfish, stupid, horrible in general I am ::
Honestly, I don't know what set her off. I'm not going to repeat the things she said to me because honestly they were just hurtful. I didn't react, I just held my tongue and waited for it to end. By the time she was done (she ended the conversation with "enjoy your life of leisure") I was pretty choked up and it was hard to get out "ok, talk to you later" without crying.
She never brought up the fact that I'm pregnant, and I sure as hell wasn't gonna. Part of me wants to hope that she feels better getting all that off her chest and next time we speak it'll be better, but I'm not that naive. I mean, she basically told me she didn't want to see me if/when I come home.
I texted my best friend from Pittsburgh, Sam, after I got off the phone and just said my mom called. He responded "Uh oh... Did she have anything interesting to say?" I told him what I just told you, and in true Sam fashion he was able to cheer me up when he said "HA! Did you remind her that you have the most functional family in your entire clan right now? hahaha"
It sucks. I cried. A lot. I've never wanted a cigarette as badly as I've wanted it since hanging up (damn you growing fetus!). But life will go on. For now I'm gonna go eat some ice cream (yes at 9 am) and watch Regis and Kelly.
Until next time...
That is an awful way to start out a Monday! It's can be so difficult for people, especially family, when they don't understand or agree with you decisions. Just remember and stay focused on the fact that you are happy and have made the best decisions for yourself. You can't make everyone else happy and you will break your own spirit if you are constantly trying to. I can't remember if I said this in a previous comment before or not, but my mom also completely ignored my pregnancy too! Almost my entire pregnancy was ignored, and it wasn't any better when my son was born. She only saw him for about 5 minutes until we visited a few weeks back. Not only are you trying to make the best decisions for yourself, but now for your whole family. I can't say that it gets better, as I still have many "wtf!" moments thinking about my mom and her relationship with me, and my family, but you do go on and it does get a little easier to deal with it. Hope your day gets better. Ice cream is always a good idea too!
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry she did that to you. That's just so wrong.
ReplyDeleteAll that matters is that you are happy and healthy.
Try to keep your chin up and remember how loved you are.
Oh I'm so sorry. :(
ReplyDeleteDon't you dare smoke girl! Think of all the money you'll save if you can keep off even after the baby!