Gallery Wall! (Finally...)

I know it has been eons since I last brought up putting together a gallery wall in my living room, but I promise I sorta have an excuse for not actually putting it up until the other day.

I'm not sure if I brought it up at all, but the Navy recently had a large number of lay-offs (yeah, I never thought the military did lay-offs either); it was technically called the Enlisted Retention Board (or the ERB).  This isn't the first or the last time they've done this, but it usually isn't done on this scale.  The Sailor's rate (which is basically military terms for his position) got cut by 25%.  So literally, 1 in 4 people who do what The Sailor does recently were told as of next spring or fall they will no longer be part of the Navy.  Some rates were cut by as much as 70%.

Well, needless to say, if we were going to be kicked out of the Navy at some point next year I had no desire to be hanging pictures throughout the house.  But, thankfully, we found out a few weeks ago that The Sailor is not being cut!

So anyway, back to my gallery wall.  I've had the stuff I wanted to hang up for quite a while now, it was really just a matter of laying it out and hanging it up.  So, the first step was figuring out how I was going to arrange all the frames, which I did on the floor in front of the wall they would eventually be hung up on (Gabby was helping me):

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The next step is actually super clever and unfortunately I can't take the credit for coming up with it, haha.  Basically any blog that I read who has posted about gallery walls brought up using magazine pages to layout how you want to hang the frames up before you actually hang the pieces and all of them attribute the idea to the blog Young House Love.  But yeah, so first I taped together pieces of an old Ok! magazine so they would reflect how big the frames are:

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Then I taped them up on the wall.  Because I was just picking them up off the ground and placing them directly on the wall, it ended up being a mirror image of what I had on the ground, but luckily it didn't really matter:

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Fun fact - I got lazy after hanging the magazine pages up and ended up leaving it like that for like two days, haha, so classy...

I had also marked on the magazines where the hanging part of the frame was so I just put up the hangers right over the magazine cut outs.  Obviously for any frame that had multiple hanging points I had to use a level to have the the magazine hung up precisely how I wanted the frame to hang; any frame that just had one hanging point was a lot easier.

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And then I pulled down the magazines, and the hangers were in the perfect spot!

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The wing emblem is actually super deceiving.  It looks like it's made out of metal when in reality it's made out of plastic.  And The Sailor had drilled a hole in one side of it (I have no idea how he had it hanging before) so I got to use my drill to make a hole in the other side so I could eventually nail that sucker up on the wall.  But I actually did that last.  And since I only had little gold nails, after hanging it I used a Sharpie to make the nail heads black, haha.  It worked really well though!

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The frames that are in the bottom right and all the way to the left don't actually have pictures in them yet.  The one on the left will eventually have a picture of each of the pets in it and the frame on the bottom right will eventually have random pictures of The Sailor and I (and probably the baby) in it.  Here are some close-ups of what I hung up.

On the right side we have a cartoon picture of a type of jet that The Sailor used to work on that is actually signed by the artist, his Air Warfare wing emblem, a quote about Love ("There is only one happiness in life - to love and be loved" - George Sand), a decorative quote/general words of wisdom about Life, and a random frame:

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 And in the middle we have a drawing of a bridge that The Sailor actually drew (he's so talented), a quote about Life ("Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away"), and The Sailor's "Shellback" certificate.  You become a "shellback" when you're in the Navy when you cross the equator for the first time on deployment. There's a ceremony - which I think is just a politically correct way of saying they haze the younger sailors.  Either way, the certificate is really pretty!

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I love how the whole thing turned out.  And I love that the walls in my living room aren't bare anymore.

Do you have any plans to create a "gallery wall" in your home?  Or do you already have one (and if you already have one, did you use the magazine trick)?

Until next time...

PS - I just had to share this...Every night Gabby, Lola, and Tom all try to snuggle with me on the couch, and last night I just happened to catch a picture of it.  Yes, I am under that grey blanket, lol, and Gabby is snuggling with my foot:

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Let's Talk Tats...

I dunno if you noticed, but I've got a big old tattoo going down my side.  If you didn't you should probably get your eyes checked since it's front and center in every one of my weekly update belly pictures (all of which can be seen here)!

The orchid is actually one of six tattoos that I have, but it's the only one that really raises any concern when it comes to my growing midsection.  Let's face it, the odds of it surviving the 40 weeks of belly growth are pretty slim.  But it's doing pretty well so far:

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Oh how I miss my body....


The left picture was taken at 5 weeks pregnant, the right side at 20 weeks (or halfway through the pregnancy).  The two flowers closest to my belly are still completely unchanged, all that has happened is my vine has grown.  But I was very fortunate to have a very skilled tattoo artist do this piece.

For that middle section, he didn't use a stencil.  He actually drew the vine directly on to my body.  On top of that he kept having me push out my stomach (I have always been able to push my stomach out to even bigger than it is now, at 21 weeks pregnant) and suck in my stomach so he could place it in an area that would have the least amount of damage.  I'm not so naive to believe that the art will hold up for the next 20 weeks, but I'm really astounded by how well it's holding up so far!

On top of having an awesome artist do the work, I'm also super lucky in that I have really elastic skin.  I may have the crappiest pregnancy acne ever but I have never had a stretch mark in my life.  Even on my ever expanding hooters (seriously, my E-cup bras are getting snug - someone please make it stop), there isn't one stretch mark.  It's one of the few things I can thank my Mom for; even after 3 babies (and gaining about 60 pounds when she was pregnant with me) she never got a stretch mark.  So that should actually help my beloved tat hold up.  I've also never had cellulite, something both of my sisters are super jealous of since they've both had cellulite on their asses since they were teens.  I still don't have any cellulite, but I have developed a few spider veins on my butt!  Not varicose veins (they aren't raised at all) though, so I guess I really can't complain.

Do you have any tattoos that were affected by your pregnancy?  What about stretch marks/vein changes?

Until next time...

Halfway There!!!

Cue the parade - I'm 20 weeks pregnant! Halfway there bitches!

I've started feeling the little guy move around in my belly.  Especially in the evening after I drink the one can of soda that I have every day.  I've heard people describe it as butterflies or popping or swishing - but not for me.  When I feel him moving its pretty simple, it feels just like if someone were to poke you from the outside, only it comes from the inside.  Then again, I'm not really sure what butterflies would feel like in my uterus...

Tom has become increasingly obsessed with my stomach.  He loves to sit on it.  Or hug it.  And when he's hugging it if I try to move him he grabs my shirt with his claws.  It's a little obnoxious (but a little adorable).

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Another new development on the animal/pregnancy front - Gabby is attracted to my leaky boobs.  Yup, when I start leaking, she starts trying to lick my boobs.  This is not adorable at all, its just obnoxious.  She gets this crazed look in her eyes and starts sniffing in my direction ferociously.  Then she tries to lick my boobs.  This is a habit we're definitely going to have to kick before the baby and my actual milk comes.  Or else she'll be fighting the little guy when he's trying to breastfeed.

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This has nothing to do with my pregnancy, I just think its cute

I had another appointment with my midwife yesterday.  Everything looks good.  My weight gain is on track (I've gained about 11 pounds) and the little guy is right where he's supposed to be.  Since both the baby and I are doing well she said I don't need to go back for another 6 weeks.

Apart from that, I've started getting wicked heartburn and to say that I'm gassy would be a severe understatement.  Good thing pregnancy is turning me into a hippie so I'm not really that shy about my gas, hahaha.  My back pain comes and goes.  Sometimes it's so intense I can't walk without limping and I think I need a cane.  Sometimes it doesn't hurt at all.  Oh, and although my skin was clearing up quite well I've re-broken out.  Awesome.

Until next time...

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So you want to paint a crib...

As a follow up to my post from yesterday about painting my own crib, I figured I'd give any tips I can think of if you do decide to take on this horrendous project.

Before you even consider this project, you should really ask yourself the following questions:

1. Is my free time something I value and want to spend relaxing?
2. Am I already rocking a big belly?
3. Am I the type of person that includes the amount of time I spend on a project in the overall "cost" of the finished goods?
4. Does monotony make me want to claw my eyes out?

If you answered yes to any of these questions I really don't think this is the project for you.  You may end up in a padded cell, or at the very least you'll start dreaming of throwing in the towel on the project and turning the crib into this:

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I cannot stress enough that this is a time consuming and monotonous project.

Now, if you've answered no to all these questions and have decided to paint your own crib, here's my advice...

If you're buying a used crib from someone outside of your friends and family obviously, first and foremost, do your research.  Find out the exact model and serial number and make sure that there weren't any recalls on the crib.  If everything looks good, go and check it out!  Just because you go to see something posted on Craigslist (or a similar site) doesn't mean you have to buy it.  The aesthetics of the crib don't really matter since you'll be refinishing it, but make sure it seems structurally sound.  And please, please, please take the time to check that the hardware they're giving you (if it isn't already assembled) is the hardware for the crib.  And I would recommend only trying this on a light colored crib.  Even though the crib I purchased was really light wood, it still needed two coats of primer and two coats of paint to properly cover it.

Now, once you've acquired a crib and you're ready to get started you have to sand it down.  I don't care if you're priming it or not it has to be sanded down in order to have an attractive and lasting finished look.  On that same note, I strongly recommend that you prime it.  A) It helps the paint "stick" to the project.  B) I promise, in the end, it'll save you a few coats of paint.  And personally, I really don't like those "paint and primer in one" paints.  For your walls, maybe.  For a project like this, definitely not!

Don't try to paint a crib with a big roller, for sure get a mini roller.  I don't always follow the "rules" on what type of roller sponge to use; for this project I used a foam roller and it worked really well.  While you're painting, prop the pieces up against a wall so that you can use a roller to paint the space between the slats (which is why you need a small roller):

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You will also have to use a small brush to do touch ups at the end of each coat of primer and paint.  I used a sponge brush for this (this is the super monotonous part - it takes forever):

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I started off with them laying flat on the ground and I had to use the brush (instead of the roller) to paint between the slats (the part circled in purple in the first photo) and it don't cover as well and was a way bigger pain in the ass.

And my biggest piece of advice is to give yourself plenty of time for the project and spread it out across many sittings.  I sanded it one day, then took a few days off.  Then I did a coat of primer on one side of the pieces, then took a few days off.  Then I did my first coat of primer on the other side of the pieces, then I took a few days off.  You get the point.  If I had tried to get it done faster, that sucker definitely would have been turned into firewood instead of a lovely yellow crib.

And if you make it to the end - congrats!  Show it off and enjoy your one of a kind crib.  I hope that my tips and tricks help at least one person either decide this isn't the project for them or make it through the project without ripping all their hair out!

Until next time...

Eff This, He Can Sleep on the Floor

Subtitle: Trials and Tribulations While Sanding, Priming, Painting, and Assembling the Crib I Bought Used Off Craigslist


Good golly gosh - what a miserable experience that was!  Like seriously, I almost threw in the towel at least 10 times, but in the end, it looks freaking awesome, so I'm glad I stuck it out.

So, you may remember from way back when in week 13 I found a sweet deal on a crib and dresser/changing table combo on Craigslist for $100! Sweet, right?  Well, I thought so back then...

There wasn't anything wrong with the crib but me being me, I wanted to paint it.  I never really thought about how much work that really was, I was just thinking about a pretty yellow crib!  Plus, it was disassembled so in my head the whole project shouldn't be that bad.  Boy was I wrong.

Sanding it down was super easy, really didn't take that long.  Awesome!  The project was going smoothly just like I assumed it would.

Next up was priming it.  Shouldn't be that hard.  I set up with my primer and a mini foam roller when the Apocalypse began.  They came out of nowhere and were trying to kill me.  The flies.

I don't know how widespread the problem is, but at least here on Base there are flies everywhere.  And these suckers are aggressive.  I tried to work through the attacks but damn near had a panic attack from all the buzzing. By the time I finally gave up (and decided to find something to combat the flies before continuing the project) I looked like a psych ward escapee covered in primer...

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So I finally got some of those strips of like tape that you hang up and a spray that supposedly repels flies and I got back to the project.

In all, I did two coats of primer and two coats paint.  But, this was done over eight sittings since I could only do one side at a time.  I used regular old primer and Martha Stewart paint in the "Custard" color.

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Do you know what a pain in the ass it is to paint a flipping crib???  All the tiny little spaces that are near impossible to get to. It was, without a doubt, the most monotonous and boring project I have ever completed.  After I had completed the first coat of actual paint, I tried to convince myself it looked fine and I could stop there, haha.  Luckily the smarter half of my brain won that battle and I finished the last coat of paint. I can't even explain how excited I was when I finally was done painting and brought all the pieces up to the nursery to assemble it.

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Since I had bought it used I didn't have assembly instructions, but how hard could it be, right?  So I laid the pieces out how they would have to be put together and got ready to start assembling.

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There were two different size bolts in the baggy with the hardware that the seller had given me.

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And, funny thing about all of those bolts - none of them fit.  Yup, they had given me the wrong freaking hardware.  Are you freaking kidding me??? I should have given up back when the flies tried to kill me! I didn't want to have the day be a complete waist, so I propped up the pieces how they would eventually be assembled.

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The crib is a Simplicity brand crib.  Before I painted the whole thing I did research on the model and there were no recalls, but the company had gone under recently.  That means I can't contact them to get replacement hardware.  If I hadn't put my blood, sweat, tears, and sanity into painting the damn thing I probably would have thrown in the towel.  But, I had way too much invested in it to just give up, so I went out and got an electric drill and some wood screws for like 20 bucks.

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I didn't, however, invest in any actual drill bits.  The girl half of my brain figured I could just use the drill to put the screws straight into the crib.  The girl half of my brain was wrong!!! The first screw I tried got maybe a quarter of the way in and broke.  Instead of accepting that I needed drill bits I tried again - the second screw got about as far in and then got completely stripped.  Awesome!

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So I temporarily threw in the towel once again.  The Sailor probably has drill bits somewhere in the garage, but I don't have the patients to go digging through his tool box.  Hell, I'm not even sure I have the key to his tool box.  So, the next time I was out, I invested in some drill bits to add to my tool box.

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Let me tell you - it is way easier to put screws in a piece of wood when you've drilled a hole first!

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So, with Gabby's help (she didn't really help - I kept asking her to hand me screws and she looked at me like I'm nuts, lol) I put 3 screws in for every 1 that would have been there if I had the right hardware.

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"I is helping..."

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All that was left was the "sleigh" details on the front and back and the part that the mattress will eventually lay on.  Adding the sleigh details was easy enough; by that point I had gotten pretty good with my drill.  The mattress part is currently not actually secured (I just used some wood screws in the existing holes because I wanted to see the "complete" crib) but I have over 4 months to figure out what size bolt I need to actually attach it.

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Isn't it pretty?  The biggest pain in my ass ever - but it looks pretty damn good, doesn't it?

And, don't worry about whether or not it's safe.  That thing is fucking secure.  Nothing is going to bring it down.  Seriously.  We will probably never be able to disassemble it again!

Now, all that's left for me to do is a few touch ups (my frustrations while trying to assemble it may have lead to a few dings in my oh so lovely paint job) and I want to figure out a way to cover up the screws.  Any ideas?  And if you think my lovely crib is impressive, just wait until you see what I have planned for the dresser/changing table combo!  It is gonna be amazing (and luckily it's already completely put together so I won't have to deal with that, lol)!

Until next time...

Knitting Project - Balloon Animal Elephant

So, after successfully making my wonderful Hooter Hat, I decided to make an elephant that I had found on the Lion brand website.  Here's the stock photo from the site:

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I followed the pattern exactly (which can be found here - but you need to register with the website before it will let you see the pattern), but mine turned out a little different.  The most obnoxious part for me was actually stitching up the tube since the project is knit flat then stitched up and stuffed.

Here's what it looked like before making it into an actual elephant:

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Totally awkward, right?

Now, assembling the whole thing was a little more difficult than I would have liked.  The pattern said gauge didn't matter, but I think it was lying.  Because it just felt like my tube was too thick to follow the instructions properly.  Either way, I'm actually really happy with how it turned out, it was just kinda of a pain in the ass getting there.  Here he is:

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From the top it kinda looks like a penis, hehehe - I'm such a child...

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I haven't added eyes yet, and I'm not sure I will.  The pattern says to sew on plastic eyes, and I'm just not comfortable having little, hand sewn, plastic pieces just asking to be ripped off and choked on by my son.  I've considered embroidering eyes on, but I kinda like it without eyes - balloon animals don't have eyes, after all.

Up next on the knitting front is a matching hat and bootie set for the little guy.  I haven't decided on which pattern to use for the booties and I'm using the same pattern I used for the base of the Hooter Hat only with a different brim.  I also have the best yarn for this project.  It's the prettiest gradient blue and it's super soft (it's 65% wool, 20% nylon, and 15% silk):

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And after that I think I'll be making some more balloon animals; they have 5 free balloon animal patterns on the Lion Brand website and they're all freaking adorable!

Until next time...

My Hippie Status Went Through The Roof This Morning...

And it isn't because I rarely shave my legs anymore.  Don't judge me - I'm pregnant, it is pants weather, and my husband is on a boat in the middle of the ocean.


I totally went to a La Leche League meeting today.

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In case you live under a rock and don't know what LLL is, here's a description (in their words):
"Our Mission is to help mothers worldwide to breastfeed through mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education, and to promote a better understanding of breastfeeding as an important element in the healthy development of the baby and mother."

The meeting was really laid back; there were 2 leaders and myself and 3 other moms/moms-to-be there.  Basically everyone introduced themselves and then the Leaders just opened the discussion.  We didn't really talk about breastfeeding that much, instead most of the meeting was spent talking about giving birth.  Although LLL's philosophy is to have natural childbirth, both leaders strongly believed it really is the mother (and father's) choice what should happen during labor and they continually encourage the other pregnant woman and me to know what we want beforehand and stand up for it.

All in all, they really weren't hippies.  And I'll probably continue to attend.

I think the message of the meeting is a really important one for women who are expecting.  Whether you want every intervention possible or you want to give birth at home in the comfort of your own bath tub, know what you want, why you want it, and don't let anyone make you feel bad for your decision.  And it's important to remember you can question the doctors and nurses at the hospital.  99% of the time you will have more than enough time to think over decisions that are being presented to you, and if it really can't wait they'll let you know.  But no one wants to be in a stressful situation (like child birth) and making big decisions on short notice, so do as much research and preparation as possible.

Have you attended any LLL (or similar) meetings?  Why or why not?

Until next time...

PS - I totally confessed my love hate relationship with my boobs, especially since I've started leaking so early.  The group was impressed with my early leakage.  I'm still not impressed...lol

That Poor Guy...

...and no, I'm not referring to The Sailor.  Who, for what it's worth, is in Dubai right now.  And it's awesome because since they're in port he can actually email back and forth with me, which is basically like texting (since I do the majority of my emailing on my phone) which makes it feel like he's much closer than he actually is!  Before I get into the bulk of this post, I have a sudden urge to show off my sweetie...

 These are some of the jets that The Sailor works on.  In case you didn't know, his technical title is Aviation Structural Mechanic - he's a jet mechanic.  And yes, the jets say "Go Navy, Beat Army" on the wings.  They are painted like that for Army vs. Navy football games...

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Here is a super cool picture of The Sailor working.  At least he claims it's him, he could totally be lying.  But, since he's my hubby, I choose to believe him. (But let's be serious - how could he even know for sure that's him up on the wing??)

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This one is for sure The Sailor working, lol.  I think he's super sexy when he's working...then again at this point I even find the shadow-esque picture of him sexy...

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So anyways, back to the poor guy this post is actually about...my Dad.

He's so darn worried about me being out here by myself.  He gets excited when I say I have plans to do things with other people, haha.  And in all honesty, he's the only member of my direct family that I actually speak to on a regular basis so I end up calling him quite a bit.

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That's my Dad - he hates pictures, and he's a wise ass...

Well, the other day I was chatting on the phone with him and Christmas came up.  I said something along the lines of, "I've been thinking about what I'm going to get myself for Christmas since there really isn't anyone else who will be getting me any presents this year..." and I really didn't mean anything by it.  I wasn't throwing myself a pity party, but seriously who is gonna get me a present other than me?  My husband is on a boat in the middle of the ocean and I'm not speaking to my Mother, lol. He quickly snaps back, "I'll get you a present for Christmas still, Midgie!"

Fun fact, my father calls me "Midgie" which is short for "Midget."  This fact is especially fun since I'm the tallest of his three daughters and almost as tall as him.  At one point, like right after I was born, I was the shortest though...

Then, once we got past that whole thing, I somehow let the words "I've been lonely" slip.  And he instantly goes into protective-Dad-must-fix-everything mode.  Maybe I should plan another trip home (I'm going home in a few weeks to see the fam and celebrate the holidays)...do I want him to convince my crazy sister who I'm not speaking to to apologize to me...he wishes he could afford to take the time off and buy a ticket to come out and visit me...

The thing is, I haven't even really been lonely, per se, since I have made some good friends out here.  I'm just still emotional over my whole family situation.  I'm not speaking to my Mother and there's no hope of that happening any time soon.  I'm not speaking to one of my two sisters and I don't want that to happen any time soon.  Then my other sister pretends to not be super judgemental about my whole life but occasionally starts drilling me about where I'm getting money to pay my bills so I really don't talk to her very much either since I don't feel like being judged like that.

I tried to explain that to my Dad but the damage was already done.  I hope that once he sees me in December he'll realize I'm not a complete hot mess, apart from my constant struggle with pregnancy acne!  Any tips on how to make my Dad worry less, or is it just inevitable since I'm his baby and I up and took off to the other side of the country?

Until next time...

Pregnancy Week 19

First of all, I for reals have to start coming up with better blog titles.  I don't even know why you people read this crap anymore, hahaha.  But I'm glad you stick around despite my lack of creativity.

So yeah, I'm 19 weeks pregnant...almost halfway there, yo!  This week I've decided that my little guy has road rage, because although I've always been a bit testy when driving but my anger behind the wheel is going to new levels.  I'm fully aware that a more logical reason for this is being hormonal not that my son has road rage and is making me have road rage since he's still living inside me, but saying my baby has road rage is more fun.  He especially hates it when people decided to go super slow in the passing lane.  Seriously people, if you're going the same speed (or slower than) as the people in the right lane, just get in the freaking right lane!  Some of us are in a hurry for no freaking reason (hehehe - because seriously...where do I have to be?)!

The other day I made a Target run for some random stuff and as I was standing in line I realized how much my purchases screamed "pregnant lady!" Check this shit out...

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So, we have a long sleeved maternity shirt - most people buying maternity clothes would be pregnant.  Nipple pads - they're technically called breastfeeding pads or some shit like that, but that's totally misleading.  Because seriously, I need them, and I'm not breastfeeding yet!  I'm just one of the lucky people who's flipping boobs blow up and start leaking super early in their pregnancy.  Clearance Halloween candy - that shit was 80% off; after Halloween sales have never looked so good to me!  And water.  But not just 1 type of water, two types.  And I didn't want to have to open the package (which would have made it impossible to carry the water in) so I also bought a single bottle for the ride home.  Pregnancy has made me a very thirsty lady!

I totally tried to be super sly while taking that picture and giggling quietly to myself because let's face it...only weirdos take pictures of the stuff they're about to buy at Target.  But, I did it just for you, my loyal readers! haha

I dunno if you've noticed, but I've actually been calling the baby "he" this week. It's been tough.  I'm still getting over the fact that I'm not having a girl, but it's getting better.  The hardest thing for me is the name though. First of all, it isn't that I hate all boy names, but all the ones I do like seem to end in N.  I don't want his name to end in N because our last name ends in N and I don't like it when the first and last name rhyme.  So if anyone knows any cool, not so traditional boy names that don't start in H, don't end in N, and preferably at least 2 syllables lemme know.  Cuz so far, I've got nothing.

I've decided that my son is gonna be a rockstar and so The Sailor has to teach me how to play the guitar so I can play the guitar with the baby.  Why?  Because I'm totally blog-stalking MODG again.  Check out how cute this is!!!

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If she found out how often I put pictures of her on my Blog she might be slightly creeped out.  But what can I say, it's my favorite Mommy blog.

You might ask why The Sailor can't just teach our son to play the guitar - why he has to teach me so I can teach the little guy.  Because I said so, that's why.

That's really all on the pregnancy front.  I did finish painting the crib I bought at the end of last week but I'm having some serious issues putting that thing together...more on that at a later date.  And, I'm like 80% finished with the stuffed elephant that I'm knitting, but again, I'll talk more on that once I actually finish it.  So I guess all that's left is to show off my growing midsection...

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Until next time...

Week 18 - It's a...

I'll give you a hint:

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Yeah, that tiny little arrow...that's pointing to a penis.  We're having a boy.

So now I'm going to be incredibly honest with you guys.  I could ask you not to judge me for how I feel, but I'm sure plenty of you will.  And eff you for that.  Because in my opinion, there are three types of expectant mothers/parents out there...1) They honestly don't care if they have a boy or a girl, they will truly be happy either way.  2) They say they don't really care but they do; they are just liars.  3) The people who openly admit that they really care and they get a bunch of crap from a bunch of people. I'm in group three.

I want a girl more than anything.  Seriously, words cannot describe how much I wanted a little baby girl.  I am a girl's girl through and through.  I am not kidding when I say I won't even know what to do with a little boy.  When I was getting my ultrasound and she got that clear shot of the baby's nether-region she asked if I knew what that was.  I sighed.  She looked at me, almost as if to say, "well, do you?" And I admitted out loud to myself that it was, in fact, a boy.

Honestly, I think I held it together pretty well in that moment.  Literally all of my plans (names, nursery ideas, extra curricular activities, the list goes on and on) were coming crashing down, and I managed to just sit there.  Until the actual doctor came in and the ultrasound lady had to stop what she was doing to show the doc that all the necessary bits were there.  When we got to the genitalia issue, doc goes, "oh good!  This is the first baby boy I've seen all week."  And I couldn't hold back the tears.  I didn't sob or anything (thankfully), but I did clearly have tears streaming down my face.

When I got into the car, I sobbed.  So much emotion just came pouring out of me.  I emailed The Sailor, and all I said was, "We're having a boy.  He's healthy." And I started driving home, crying the whole way.

I had told The Sailor I wouldn't tell anyone else until I knew for sure he had gotten the email.  I did, however, pull myself together enough to send him some ultrasound pictures...

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Isn't the eyeball the creepiest thing you've ever seen?

Once I got a response from him I announced it on Facebook and texted a few friends.

The Sailor was very sweet about the whole thing.  As much as I know he was pumped, he was considerate to the fact that he knew how disappointed I was.  And almost everyone else that I talked to who knew that I had really wanted a girl said something along the lines of, "well, hopefully next time you'll have a girl."  The problem with that is, I'm not sure if I want there to be a "next time."

I had always planned on having two kids, but I really don't think I can go through this again.  The idea of getting pregnant, getting fat, breaking out, and being in physical pain all day just to be told that once again my dreams of a daughter are crushed makes me want to vomit.  And, I can honestly say I don't think I could handle having two sons.

Boys are messy and rambunctious.  Yes, girls have attitude and people say they're more expensive, but I know I can handle that.  I honestly do not know if I can handle boys.  And I'm absolutely terrified.

Then when I tell people that, they all say something along the lines of, "you'll probably change your mind; you're going to love being the Mom to a little boy." But how can they know that?  The honest to God truth is, they don't.  And as much as I'd love to convince myself they're right, I know better.  I grew up in a house with only women (my father moved out when I was 4), I was a camp counselor at an all girls camp, but honestly my interaction with boys is minimal.  I want to go to ballet recitals, not football games.  I want a child I can teach to knit, and sew, and craft in general, most little boys would down right say, "no, that's what girls do."

I have been legitimately torn up over this whole thing.  I have no idea what I want to do with the nursery any more.  There really aren't any boys names that stand out to me.  When I look at baby boy clothes and stuff I can't help but let my eye wander towards the little girl stuff instead.  And I feel horrible for it.

The only person who made me feel even remotely better about it was my Dad.  I knew he would be excited; all he ever wanted was a son and he got stuck with three daughters and two step-daughters.  Poor guys has been surrounded by women his whole life.  As soon as I told him he started joking about teaching him how to smoke cigars and drive an excavator.  Then he remembered I'm on the other side of the flipping country.  And any excitement he had faded away.  Because we both know my Dad really won't get to see the baby that often because it is a long and expensive flight home.

For those first 24 hours, I kept staring at ultrasound pictures trying to get excited again, but it just wasn't happening.

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Alien baby

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He's trying to "raise the roof"

 Now, over two days later, I'm feeling a little better about it, but I've still lost a lot of excitement.  And honestly, I don't think I'll want to get pregnant again.  I really feel like it's a gamble with my emotions that I don't think I can take.  But that's something The Sailor and I will have to discuss further when the time comes.

I hope no one who has a son takes any offense to this post.  It isn't anything against little boys in general, it's more so something against me.  This is just who I am.  I just hope everyone who says I'll get excited again eventually is right, or else the next five months are really gonna suck.  But, on the bright side, I'm at a serious low right now between the shiznat that went down with my Mom and this news, so things can really only go up from here!

Until next time...

I can't forget to share my belly picture for this week.  Remember, to see the whole progression of photos, you can go to the Pregnancy Tab here!

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