Here Comes The Seamonkey Part 4 - Every part of my body wanted me to push

In case you missed it be sure to check out Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 before reading any more...

I'm going to say it was about 930 am when The Midwife decided she wanted to put an internal monitor in since my contractions were still super weird and for whatever reason the external monitor wasn't always picking them up.  First she checked me and I was barely over 6 cm.  Then she tried to put the internal monitor in and for whatever reason, it hurt like hell.  She was a little taken aback by it, since it really shouldn't hurt but since it was clearly painful for me she said she would take it out.  Then she happened to check me again and I was magically at 8 cm.  Even she didn't believe it (barely 10 minutes had passed since I was at 6) so she had the nurse double check, and the nurse agreed...I was at 8 cm!  The end really was in site!!!

Then, just before 10, every part of my body wanted me to push.  So, I hit the red button to get a nurse in there and she kinda rolled her eyes and reminded me that I was just at 8 cm and if I pushed too soon it would just make my cervix swell which would make it harder to deliver when it actually was time.  But trying to stop myself from pushing was horrible.  So, I quickly pushed the red button to get her butt back there and so she checked me again.  I was pretty much fully dilated.  So she told me to push when I felt the urge to and when I did her eyes opened wide and she said to stop pushing while she went and got the midwife.

It was 10:05 am when the midwife was set up and they told me to push when I felt the need to, so when my body wanted to push, I pushed.

10 minutes pass and they're telling me I'm doing a great job, but I can't tell whether or not I'm pushing effectively (which was the only downside of the epidural - I couldn't tell if he was getting any closer to being out or not).

10 more minutes pass and I'm asking if there's anything else I can do but they promise me I'm doing a great job pushing.

5 more minutes pass and I'm starting to get exhausted and I start wondering how the hell I'm going to do this.  Pushing is exhausting.  It didn't hurt thanks to my wonderful epidural, but it was exhausting.

Then I start to feel myself tear just the slightest bit so I knew he must be close.  I was pushing with everything I had when his head finally came out...but the chord was wrapped around his neck.  I'm freaking out as they're clamping and cutting the chord.  I'm still freaking out (I mean seriously, the fucking chord was around his neck) as the midwife tells me to push once more and he'll be out.  I pushed, and before I knew it they had him on my belly and they're wiping him off.  Right after he came out, so did {what felt like} 10 gallons of liquid and I asked if that was normal, which they assured me it was.  Now, instead of freaking out about the chord or the tidal wave that followed the baby, I'm freaking out because he isn't crying!!!

I should have realized that the Midwife and the nurses would have been doing something if there was something wrong, but all I wanted was to hear my baby cry.  He was perfectly healthy, but he never cried.  Eventually I believed everyone that everything was okay and I just held my baby against my belly even though he was still covered in goo.

Wesley Glenn Hinson was born at 10:43 am on April 1st, 2012 and weighed 7 pounds 6 ounces and was 20 1/4 inches long.

Here Comes The Seamonkey Part 3 - I folded like a tent...

In case you missed it, be sure to check out Part 1 and Part 2 before you continue reading...

I had never been so happy to see that tiny, old Swedish woman.  She came waltzing in wearing cowboy boots, black skinny jeans, and a very Dolly Parton-esque top.  She seemed super excited about me being in labor and I asked if she had been at the rodeo and her response was, "yes - it was a honky-tonk good time!" hahahaha  Seriously...I had never been that happy to see a little old lady in my life.

Then she informed me there was a slight problem - I was having contractions every 3 minutes but I was barely dilated (I was just under 2 cm at this point).  Apparently that's a problem.  My contractions were regular, but they weren't strong enough, and since my water had already broken on it's own she wanted to start me on pitocin.  And given how much pain I was already in because of my bladder infection she really didn't think I should try and go through with a natural birth.  If I was going to have a baby the next day I needed to sleep that night and she thought the only way that would happen would be if I had an epidural.

I folded like a tent, threw away all my hopes of a natural childbirth, and she called for the anesthesiologist.

When he got there I almost laughed.  Dude looked exactly like Beaker from The Muppets.  I wish I had a picture to show you.  He was so tall we had to jack the bed up all the way for him to be able to to put in the epidural.  And honestly, I was so exhausted at this point that I barely even noticed him putting it in.  But that man was an anesthesia sorcerer!  The pain stopped right away but I still had complete control over my lower body.  I could adjust myself in bed without an issue, but for the first time in what felt like eons, I wasn't in pain.

Then they put in the catheter.  When getting a catheter actually feels good you know there was something wrong with your bladder.  Because of the bladder infection I hadn't been able to properly empty my bladder in God knows how long, so as soon as that catheter was in it all came out.  And, let me tell you, I almost filled that bag right away.  Even the nurses were taken aback.

And, by 11:30 pm they had started pitocin and a ton of IV meds to fight off my bladder infection.  Since there was no reason to believe we would actually be having a baby until the next afternoon, I insisted The Sailor go home to get a decent night sleep (rather than sleeping in a chair) and to spend time with the dogs.  Soon after he left they gave me some benadryl since the epidural had made me super itchy and I drifted off to sleep.



Sunday, April 1st - although my glorious epidural meant I had no pain, that night was far from smooth sailing.  First of all, my blood pressure was consistently high.  Like, 150s/100s.  And it kept setting off the alarms.  That meant that I had to keep the blood pressure cuff on all night so they could continue to take my blood pressure every 10 minutes to make sure I wasn't a stroke risk.  Then, my fever was getting worse.  It started at about 99.4 and steadily increased from there.  When I hit 100 they started informing me that if we couldn't get it under control they would have to do a c-section since it isn't safe for the baby.  When it got to 101 douche bag Dr. V tried to force my midwife to turn me over for a c-section but she held her ground since they knew I was sick before actually going into labor, so the fever was probably because of the bladder infection not because of labor itself.  It ended up hitting 101.8 before it finally started going down.  I was a sweaty mess.  Then The Seamonkey's heartrate started dropping so I had to wear an oxygen mask.  It really wasn't a fun night, but it definitely could have been much worse.

By the time The Sailor got back at about 6 am my fever had already started to drop, but I was still using the oxygen to keep The Seamonkey's heartrate up.  At the rate my body was going, I was hoping to actually give birth around noon.  And I'm gonna be completely honest with you, the next few hours were pretty much a blur of sleeping a bit and then being woken up by the alarm that would go off because my blood pressure was too high.  Occasionally The Seamonkey would try to push out my catheter and I would push that magical epidural button and the pain would stop.  But, it did get to the point where they actually had to tape the catheter to my leg since he was trying so hard to get it out.

Here Comes The Seamonkey Part 2 - I think I've lost control of my bladder

In case you missed it, be sure to check out Part 1!!!


Saturday, March 31st - The Sailor and I didn't sleep at all that night.  Every time I would have one of my super irregular contractions it would take all of my effort to not scream in agony.  It felt like I was carrying a vampire baby and he was trying to eat his way out of my uterus (yes, just like in Twilight).  The best description would be to imagine that every once and a while it felt like your bladder was going through a paper shredder for a minute to 90 seconds.

I spent a good amount of time in the tub with The Sailor just spraying me with the shower head (since the tub is tiny and the water would barely cover half my body).  If we weren't in the bathroom, we were in bed and he was rubbing my back.  At about 6 am I agreed to go back to the hospital because I was pretty sure I was going to die from the pain alone if we didn't do something.

The same nurses were working and they could tell right away that my pain level was through the roof.  So, they hooked me up to the monitors again.  Still, unless there was a nurse there to continuously move the contraction monitor it wouldn't pick them up.  When they went to check if I had dilated at all I experience the most searing pain in my cervix ever.  I had developed a minor fever so Dr. V finally agreed to give me some freaking antibiotics and he gave me some percocet for the pain.  Luckily, the first dose of pain killers worked like a charm and I was able to get a few hours of sleep.

Throughout the day the percocet worked less and less at actually relieving the pain.  The first dose got rid of the pain and put me to sleep.  After that each dose would make me feel high as a kite but it dulled the pain less and less.  And at about 5 o'clock I was pretty sure the bladder infection had gotten so bad that I lost control of my bladder.  By 7 I was back to damn near crying every time I had a contraction and since I was still high as a kite from pain meds I hadn't noticed they started getting regular.  Luckily, The Sailor had been timing them - they were only lasting about a minute but they were almost exactly 3 minutes apart.  At this point I didn't even fight it when The Sailor said we had to go back to the hospital.

When we got up to the nurses' station at the MIU, my high self simply said, "I've been here like 37 billion times in the past day and a half, apparently I have a bladder infection.  My bladder feels like it's going through a paper shredder and I'm pretty sure I've been peeing myself for the past few hours."

They asked if maybe my water had broken, but I was convinced I had just been peeing myself because of the bladder infection.  Then The Sailor told them the contractions were every 3 minutes so they brought me into a room right away to swab my vag to check if I actually was pissing myself or if my water had broken.  They informed me if the swab turned blue that meant my water had broken and I would be admitted to have the baby.  And man did that swab turn blue.  So did the second one, since I still didn't believe them (why yes...I was in total denial).  So, they called in my favorite (notice the sarcasm) doctor who apparently also didn't believe that my water had broken despite the two bright blue swabs.

First he did an ultrasound to which he said, "there's still a ton of fluid in there, I really don't think your water broke."  The nurse that had swabbed my vag was not happy with that.  She informed me that he was being a douche and that there was no reason to not believe my water had broken considering the proof was in the bright blue swabs!  She had apparently asked him if she could just call my midwife (since it said right on my file if I went in to labor she wanted to be called in right away) but he said she wasn't allowed to until he confirmed I was in labor. And he was insisting on shoving a massive metal cone up my already super sore vagina to actually look and see if my water had broken.

She warned me that given the amount of discomfort I was showing during the internal exams they had done this was probably going to hurt.  A lot.  And she was right.

I could feel that my insides were swollen and sore.  And when he shoved that giant metal cone up my hoo-hah I wanted to die.  As I was sobbing Dr. V casually stated, "huh...she actually is grossly ruptured."  And then, without asking or warning me, he shoved a poker thingy up the giant metal cone and officially "broke" my water.

At that point he finally allowed the nurses to call the midwife and I was admitted into the hospital to have The Seamonkey...

Here Comes The Seamonkey Part 1 - I know I'm not in labor, I'm just getting sick!

FYI - there will be no photographs until the very end of the birth story.  If you all thought you were gonna get to see pictures of me in general disarray in the hospital, you were very wrong.  Instead you'll just have to deal with words until I get to the point where I pop The Seamonkey out (and he gets all cleaned up).  It's my blog and I'll do what I want! haha


Friday, March 30th - I woke up and could tell I was getting sick right off the bat.  I felt the early signs of a fever and just generally felt icky.  Since I don't get a fever unless I'm actually sick I went into the hospital.  I went straight to the Maternal Infant Unit where they hooked me up to the monitors since I had been having weekly Non-Stress Tests due to high blood pressure for the past month or so and they promptly informed me I wasn't in labor.

I didn't think I was in labor.  I thought I was sick.  But, apparently they didn't believe me (this is only the first of many reasons I don't like the OB that I dealt with that morning - we'll call him Dr. V) and asked if maybe I was just having an anxiety attack since I was getting closer to my due date since it said in my file that I had a history of anxiety. I love when people use the fact that I have a history of mental illness against me (::sarcasm::).  So they sent me on my merry way.

As the day went on I felt worse and worse.  It felt like I was developing a flu.  And then, the contractions started, and I assumed they were just more braxton hicks.



The contractions continued and they were completely irregular.  I strongly believed it was just false labor and was regularly annoying a friend of mine who just had a baby 2 months previous asking silly questions to try and figure out if I was experiencing "normal" pain or not when she finally said she was gonna come by to give me her massive exercise ball to bounce on to try and get through the crazy irregular contractions I was having.

The ball helped for a while, but the pain from the contractions was getting worse.  It honestly felt like my insides were being torn up.  It got to the point that The Sailor really wasn't comfortable with me being in that much pain so I agreed to go back to the hospital where they promptly hooked me up to the monitors again.

Funny thing about those monitors...they picked up The Seamonkey's heartrate just fine, but they did not pick up my contractions.  We had to keep moving the monitor around to pick them up and as soon as the nurse would leave they would stop picking them up again.  But, I wasn't dilated and my water hadn't broken so I wasn't actually in labor yet...instead they thought I might have a fucking bladder infection (lucky me).

But since they wouldn't have the lab results back until the next day douche bag Dr. V (who was the OB on-call all weekend) wouldn't give me any antibiotics or anything for the pain despite the fact that every time I would have one of my super irregular contractions I would double over in pain and beg God for mercy.  And, once again, he sent me on my merry way.

That was the worst night of my life.

To be continued...

I failed at "pregnancy blogging"

Hey guys...remember me?  The blogger who disappeared for the past few months...

I'm sorry!!!!!!!


I really wasn't cut out to be a pregnancy blogger, since, well, I hated being pregnant, lol.  And once The Sailor got home from deployment I just really couldn't have cared less about blogging about the pregnancy that I just wanted to be over, so I didn't!

BUT NOW I HAVE A BABY!!!!  And he's absolutely perfect (obviously...The Sailor and I made him...lol)!!!  And I've started putting together my birth story (which I'll post the first segment of soon after this post) and hopefully I'll be a better Mommy-blogger than I was pregnancy-blogger.  I still wanted to apologize before I just jumped into my birth story though...

And if you don't forgive me then you can just eff off! hahaha