Parenting your second child

I hate trying to write this.  I hate trying to describe Oliver at all, because any time I do it sounds like either a) I don't like him or b) I'm just comparing him to Wes.

Well, obviously I like my kid.  And if we're being completely honest, is it actually possible to not compare your kids?  Especially if they're super close in age.

Wes, for the most part, has always been "easy" for me.  Yes, he has tantrums.  Yes, he pushes back at me.  He's human.  But at the end of the day I've always thought I was a pretty good mom!  And I've never questioned whether or not I'm being the best mom possible for him.

Oliver makes me question myself every damn day.  He has tantrums.  He's defiant.  He's stubborn.  Until very recently he had zero interest with cuddling or being close to me.  I call him my stinky boy because he just glares out at the world (with his "stink face") almost constantly.

And every day I wonder what I'm doing wrong.  Why did he have six different tantrums today.  Why doesn't he want to give me hugs and kisses.  Why does he get more excited to see a bird fly across the sky than he does over anything I could do.

Seriously - I could juggle and do back flips and I wouldn't get a smile like that.  But a bird passing by gets a huge grin.

There is no easy answer.  I was accustomed to having a child who didn't have tantrums (with Wes).  And now I'm the asshole eating my words because it turns out there's not much you can do in the moment when you have a toddler who has tantrums.  I didn't judge the moms of tantruming kids before, necessarily, but I definitely wondered why they couldn't control their kid.  I mean, I could control Wes, shouldn't everyone be able to do the same with their own children?

If you were hoping to find some magical advise on how to deal with your stubborn toddler, I really don't have any.  Stop blaming yourself, for one! And know you aren't the only one dealing with it.

And to my sweet, Stinky boy - you may make me want to rip my hair out on a daily basis, but at least I know life with you will never be boring.

...but dear God, if v3.0 is even more stubborn/intense/challenging I may end up in a padded cell.

Do you have a stubborn toddler?  How do you deal with it?  Because seriously, I need all the advise I can get, hah!